Unlocking Authentic Connections: The Power of the Ego Filter

Implementing an ego filter can be a transformative practice for individuals seeking to enhance their ability to connect with others. By proactively thinking about the impact that their thoughts, words, and actions will have on the people around them, leaders can dramatically deepen their relationships with others.
I came up with this concept of the ego filter because I have been noticing an uptick in people struggling to create connection, be it with their employees, or boss, or colleagues, or even in their personal relationships. And when I look at the general themes across various scenarios, “ego” keeps popping up as a recurring issue.
This tactic has proven to be incredibly powerful in helping leaders to shift their personal brand for the better, as it requires them to pause and assess what is driving their desire to communicate or act in a certain way, before they say or do anything. By prioritizing genuine connection over self-interest using this tactic, they end up cultivating a network of meaningful connections over that enrich their personal and professional lives.

Here’s how to enact the Ego Filter:


1. First, ask yourself if what you want to say or do will add value to the person or people around you.

2. Second, ask yourself if those people will perceive what you want to say or do as kind.

3. Third, ask yourself if what you want to say or do is necessary, and whether it’s also necessary for you to act now (vs. at some later point in time.)

Here are the rules:


It is crucial to answer a resounding “yes” to each of these questions. If any answer falls short, it is advisable to reconsider proceeding. However, if you still feel compelled to proceed despite not meeting the criteria, take the opportunity for self-reflection to understand why you persist in that course of action.

Try it out!


I encourage you to incorporate the ego filter into your day-to-day life for a few weeks and observe the potential positive shift in how people respond to you. Many leaders I have coached have witnessed noticeable changes within just one week. Embracing the ego filter offers the opportunity to create deeper connections, foster understanding, and nurture an environment of genuine empathy and collaboration.

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